I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We left an ass print on the piano.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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