I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
