He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
