Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
