So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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