Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
