Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my poor anus
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
