There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
