I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
