i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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