Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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