im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
