the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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