So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
