Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
