I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
