Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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