it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
