Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
