Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
