I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I believe in your delicious
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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