Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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