He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am naked and annoyed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
