Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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