They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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