Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
