i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
