Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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