She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
