just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
