one two three fourrrrnication!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
