She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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