In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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