Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
