How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
