so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
