'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so let's talk penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm at about main and main street
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
