I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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