My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
