so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Found your dick twin last night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
