I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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