this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
50% drunk capacity currently
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
