If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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