The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
