You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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