She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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