i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
