I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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