i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
