i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The uberlube is also flammable
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
