Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
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