I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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