Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We need to get me chipped asap
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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